Fifty Shades of Grey is Now Classy, Classy Wine

(Before we get started — this was an incredibly difficult post to write, as it lends itself to a rich array of innuendos and double entendres. My delete button hasn't had such a workout in a long time. You're welcome.)

So. I enjoy wine. I'm no connoisseur, but I usually can tell when something's cheap and when it's not. And there's no way in hell the just-announced Fifty Shades of Grey wine won't taste cheap — the varieties are called Red Satin and White Silk, for Pete's sake!

If the tasting notes don't entice you to buy — "floral aromatics of lychee, honey and pear"; "aged in a combination of new and seasoned French oak barrels" — maybe the words of "acclaimed novelist" E. L. James will:

The taste of Fifty Shades of Grey can be yours for just $17.99 a bottle and can be purchased here.